Books On My Parents' Shelves

A Very Important Announcement

2011-05-10T10:16:00.000-07:00

Books On My Parents' Shelves has moved.

Due to photo uploading issues,
which,
let's face it,
is the most important part of this site,
Books On My Parents' Shelves
is now being hosted
as a microblog
over at
in the cactus garden.

All comments posted
prior to
10 May 2011
have been transferred to the new site.
This site will remain up
through the end of the summer.

To link directly to the new
Books On My Parents' Shelves
site, click here.

Don't be strangers.
Go hang out at the new site.
It's a soothing blue color now.

Books 501-505

2011-05-09T07:44:00.001-07:00

Well,
it looks like we're still in business,
even after that last post.

Maybe,
if we're all
really, really, really quiet
my parents won't notice
what went up last week.
Though,
I think my older sister
might have mentioned it to my mum.
And here I thought
we were beyond tattling.
Sighs.

This morning we're starting off
with one of my
younger sister's books.

I don't know if she remembers it,
but she loved this book
when she was little.
And I totally get it.
Levitating, musical foxes
are pretty interesting.

In other news,
ouch!

Also,
why isn't that light bulb broken?
Where is all the shattered glass?
Physics,
people!
Physics!
As far as I know,
we haven't invented
liquid light bulbs yet!

Sometimes
I try to resist the urge to be snarky.
Other days it's much more difficult.
Today seems to be the latter.
However,
I know Monty Python
will forgive me.
Because they're awesome like that.

And so,
in response to their book's title,
all I have to say is:

Not any more.

Oh!
Maybe my dad will forgive me
for last Friday's post!

I believe he was looking for
this Haggadah.

I believe these are dolphins
decorating our last book.

Why they seem to be smoking,
I have no clue.
Personally,
I thought dolphins were smarter than that.
Mr. Whitman,
or at least Mr. Miller,
should give them a stern talking to.

In other news,
Books On My Parents' Shelves
might need to move to a different
website host soon.
Blogger is becoming almost unbearable.
And,
with a photo-based project like this one,
the problems I'm running into
aren't ones I can ignore.
I'll be doing some research
as to where we might move
and I'll do my best to move
the comments along with the posts.

Worst case scenario,
Books On My Parents' Shelves
might just become a subset
over at the cactus garden
for awhile.

More news on this to follow as it comes.

Books 496-500

2011-05-06T10:55:00.000-07:00

So when I started posting
on a regular
Monday, Wednesday, Friday
schedule,
I clearly didn't think things through.
We are going through books
a lot faster
than we did last year.

In fact,
the last time we had
a hundredth book post
was only back in March.
That wasn't that long ago.

I hope hundredth book posts
aren't loosing their excitement.
If they are,
I can just stop posting
for awhile.
Your choice.

Even though we haven't had
as much time
to lead up to this post
(as we have previous hundredth book posts),
this post is still pretty exciting.

500.

500.

%))
(That's 500 in capitals,
f.y.i.)

We're halfway to
1,000 books.
And we're only on the third bookcase.
Craziness.

Let's start the count-up.

Book 496
Do you know
which two words I often confuse?

Decorate and attack.
They're so similar,
it's easy to see how
Ms. Kohler
confused them, too.
All I know is
I would fear for my life
sitting on that sofa.

Book 497

Another classic mistake
people often mistake with me
is describing things as "real."

Naturally,
I then imagine there is a "fake" version.
In this case,
there is another,
sneaky fake bargain version
of this crossword book out there,
roaming the book shelves.
Puzzle lovers,
beware.

Book 498
This is sort of oddly fitting.

It's other people's mail
on other people's bookshelves.
Irony is easy to find
on a
one-cup-of-coffee day.
Irony also means delusional,
in my case,
at least.

Book 499
F.Y.I.
This blog might soon come to an end
after this post.
My mother might hate me.

High school yearbooks are rarely endearing.

Even less endearing are

children who put your

high school yearbook photo online

At lest there's some small consolation...

Book 500

I have my father's yearbook

and picture,

too.

If we go out now,

we're going out with a bang.

Books 491-495

2011-05-04T06:04:00.000-07:00

Well!
Here we are!
My secret is out at work,
so there's no need
to keep it a secret online anymore.

Guess what!
Guess what!!!!
(Okay,
probably about half of
the ten of you reading this
already know;
whatever.
It's still awesome.)

I got into grad school!
I'm going to be moving to Boston
at the end of the summer.
Life is looking pretty good!

If you'd like to know
a bit more about
what I'll be studying and all that
today's Anthroscope post
over in the cactus garden
has more details.

Meanwhile,
let's look at some books
and clarify some of the
dumb clues I gave you.
That sounds like fun,
right?

Our first sill clue was
the letter 'B.'
Clearly,
that 'B'
stood for 'Boston.'
I know, right?
I'm so creative.

Our first book today
is also about someone
traveling and going on adventures.
That's pretty fitting.

I think I'd like to meet
Ms. Smiley.
She sounds friendly.
That could just be because of
her last name,
though.

Our second silly clue
was 4.5ish.
At the time
I was referring to the number of months
before I leave.
Since that clue,
that number has dropped
to about 3/3.5ish.

Then our third clue was
Dropkick Murphys.
This was totally because
I got the song
"Shipping Up to Boston"
or whatever it's called
stuck in my head.

Oh!
Children's books!
We're starting to get children's books!

We're going to have a lot of these soon!
Isn't that exciting?
Although,
if I remember correctly
this kids' book
was kind of boring.
Also,
I never knew humans and trees
could be Siamese twins.
Also also,
what's up with all of the Siamese twins
showing up on book covers recently?

This book marks the end of our current shelf.

Our next pointless clue was
microchips (for cats).
Phebe just got a microchip the other day
in preparation for the big move.
She did really well, too.
They use a needle that kind of looks like a harpoon
to inject the microchip.
I was a little disturbed.
She took the shot like a champ, though.

Our April Fool's Day clue was Stuff.
And Things.
I have a lot of stuff
(and things)
that are going to have to move up with me.
It's a little overwhelming.
Anybody have a truck?
And some time off this summer?

I just saw this book
in a Barnes & Noble
recently.

It's funny how some books
hang around
and get reprinted
while others just quietly retire.
I think human on the cover
feels like quietly retiring.
Look at that expression.
Priceless.

The next clue
in my string of
not-very-well-thought-out-clues
was Jacques Pepin.
Jacques Pepin
and Julia Child
helped found the program I'm going into.
And Jacques Pepin still teaches master classes.
If that's not exciting,
I don't know what is.
(Okay,
I do know.
Hot air balloon rides.
Those are always exciting.)

After the Jacques Pepin clue
we dropped down to one clue a week
and I said I'd stop pestering you all
with dumb clues
on May 4 or May 11.
Ta-da!

Also, "ta-da" and exciting:

Mr. Edward Gorey!!!!!

And pop-up books!

Let's have an Edward Gorey party!

Who's in?

Seriously.
Let's do it.

Okay,
back to the clues.
April 13's clue was
42 and 71.
If I remember correctly,
these were the latitude and longitude lines
Google gave me for Boston.

Oh....
marble notebooks.

I know some people loved these
but they always irritated me.
I was a spiral notebook girl.
This notebook appears to have
notes about publishing a magazine in it.
I hope the first note is
"don't publish magazines in marble notebooks."
That would be very expensive,
cumbersome,
and kind of tacky.

Our last two clues were
7 hours 32 minutes
(Google Maps estimate for how long the drive will be)
and,
perhaps the dumbest clue of all:
of course I won't be going to
the Baltimore Book Festival.
I'll be in Boston.

Also,
now that I think about it,
promoting a website
about judging books by their covers
might not go over so well
at that event.
Oh well.

So, there you have it!
All of the dumb clues,
all of the exciting news!

Books 486-490

2011-05-02T16:25:00.000-07:00

Oh.
Wow.

This book's title
describes,
very aptly,
my current state of mind.

Minus the tense,
that is.
My mind is currently in pieces.

Today was a long day.

I had a doctor's appointment.
I kind-of-sort-of passed that test.
The verdict hasn't really come in on that one.

Phebe had a vet appointment.
She passed her test with flying colors.
She even purred during the car rides
there and back.

All of these appointments
have made this post late.
So you can blame them.
Or not.
Phebe was very cute.

(Who am I kidding?
She still is.
I have to say that, though.
She's watching me work.)

Hmmm.

No.
I give this book a no.
I will probably not read this one.
Awkward title.
Awkward author name font larger than the title.
Also,
it's not always a compliment to be called
"in a class of [your] own."
Just saying.

So,
in other news,
let's take a quick tally.

Anyone else have their
Facebook news feed
blow up with posts about
Osama's death
and Obama having better things to do
than give out his birth certificate out?

Really?
That many of you?
Wow.

Well.
Guess what.

Mr. Trudeau just blew up
Books On My Parents' Shelves.

I'm beginning to think he might be psychic.
Maybe.

Or he just has really good timing...
er, placement on our shelves.

Huh.

Are those Siamese twins in the window?

Also:
Nope.
Normally when I dream,
I don't dream of sleeping.
That sounds a little boring.
Oh!
Don't you hate it when
you dream about all of the nonsense
you have to do the next day?
Then when you get up
you have to go through all of it
all over again,
only without the power of flight
or the ability to breathe underwater.
That sucks.

And yes,
Mr. Trudeau.
Thanks.

You are psychic,
after all.
That title was the perfect end
to that non sequitur of mine.

Can we be psychic friends?
I promise I'll practice on my psychic skills.
Get back to me on that one.

Kay, thanks, bye.

Books 481-485

2011-04-29T12:24:00.001-07:00

As my older sister will tell you
my advice,
for when you don't know what to write
is to either write a play
or start with the line
"So-and-so walks into a bar."

Best case scenario:
you combine the two.

But I already gave that idea to my sister
and
since she's already writing
a play about a bar
for one of her classes,
that's out for me.

But,
today's books are really uninspiring.

So I'm going to write a play.

It just won't take place at a bar.

Scene:
A dimly lit café.
Mr. John Kunz sits at a table,
scribbling notes and occasionally glancing woefully
at the book on the table.
A coffee cup sits,
neglected,
next to it.
Mr. Kunz is wearing a green plaid suit and
wire-rimmed glasses.
His hair is slicked back.
His suit looks like something the 1950s
would like to forget.

Mr. West is sitting at the café bar,
eating a pastry and reading the comics.
He laughs loudly intermittently.

Reaching over the book,
Mr. Kunz knocks the coffee cup over,
soaking his notes.

Mr. Kunz:
Blast!

Mr. Rossel enters,
wearing a kippah and a tallit,
and sits down across from him.
They appear to be old acquaintances.

Mr. Rossel:
Something the matter?

Mr. Kunz:
I just ruined all of my notes!
Now my cover artist
won't have any idea of what changes I want!

Mr. Rossel:
Your cover doesn't look too bad to me.

Mr. Kunz makes a face.

Mr. Kunz:
It's dated.
And the slant of the bar graph
makes it look like math is on decline.
And my name is in a really tiny font.

Mr. Rossel:
Well,
you know what they say about font sizes...

Mr. Kunz:
Please.
Stop.
We don't need to go there.
This is a family blog.
And...
And I've seen your cover.

Mr. Rossel:
Hey!
I like my cover!

Mr. Kunz:
Oh, please.
You're cover looks like it was designed
in Microsoft Word.

Mr. Rossel:
At least I have style.

Mr. Kunz:
Yeah,
what is that pattern,
anyway?
It looks a little like wallpaper.

Mr. Rossel:
Now you're just being mean.

Mr. Kunz sighs.

Mr. Kunz:
Look,
all I'm saying is it's no
Gates of Prayer.

Mr. Rossel:
Okay,
true.
Gates of Prayer
is a classic.

Mr. Kunz:
It's stylish.

Mr. Rossel:
It's embossed.

Mr. Kunz:
The font is simple, yet elegant.

Mr. Rossel:
And gold.
Don't forget gold.

Mr. West finishes his pastry
and puts down his paper.

Mr. West:
Did I hear you discussing cover art?

Mr. Kunz:
Yes, we were,
Mr. ...?

Mr. West:
West.

Mr. Rossel:
Oh!
OH!

Mr. Rossel looks meaningfully at Mr. Kunz.
It takes him a minute,
but he gets the message.

Mr. West:
I have a cover artist
I absolutely adore.
I could give you her card,
if you like.

Mr. Rossel starts laughing silently
behind a napkin.

Mr. Kunz:
I don't think that will be necessary.
I'm afraid your cover artist...
Well.
Her style is just not what I'm looking for.

Mr. West takes personal offense at this.

Mr. West:
I see.
I'm sorry to have intruded upon you.
Good day,
gentleman.

Mr. West leaves.
Then he comes back,
grabs his newspaper off the counter
and storms off.
Mr. Rossel bursts out into loud laughter.

Mr. Kunz:
Really, Rossel!
You weren't any help there!

Mr. Rossel
(between guffaws):
I'm sorry!
I couldn't help it!
It was the expression on the rodent's face
that did me in!

Mr. Kunz:
Really!
(He thinks for a minute.)
You know what?
I'm going to track down the
On the Doorposts of Your House
fellows.
They do lovely covers.

Mr. Rossel:
Excellent idea!
And,
while you're at it,
can you see if they do group discounts?

Mr. Kunz sighs,
but nods.

Finis.

Books 476-480

2011-04-27T11:57:00.001-07:00

Let's get something straight:
I haven't had coffee in over a week.
This is...
odd.
Everything is odd.
I'm pretty odd.
Except when I'm even.

All disclaimers aside,
I'm making no promises for
today's post.

This sounds reasonably pleasant.

It also makes me think of the hotel
near my old high school
that I used to call
"The Claritin,"
partly because the real name
sounded similar
and partly because
it had a lot of flowering,
allergy-inducing trees nearby.
Yes.
I was that clever.

Want to get a glimpse
of what we'll be looking at
in about two
bookcases?

There will be a lot of books like this:

How do I know?
Well,
for the one day or so
that I was able to during
The Week Of The Terrible Illness That Will Still Not End Even Though That Week Is Over—
er, my vacation,
I scanned books.
Lots of them.
And once I finish this
Tem-a-whatever series
TH got me hooked on,
I'll probably go back to scanning.
Because yes,
I'm that exciting.

Naturally,
with all of these dreary serious books ahead of us,
it's nice to retreat to old classic
Books On My Parents' Shelves
genres.

Like books about Judaism.

This one appears to be
an instruction manual
about how to incorporate
weight lifting exercises
into your Kabbalah studies.
That's pretty important.
I would totally work out
while studying Kabbalah,
if I studied Kabbalah,
that is.
Because I do things like that.

You know what?
I'm feeling all warm and nostalgic
for our first bookcase.
Remember when
every other book
was an
English to Yiddish dictionary
or an
awkwardly named book about words?
Those were the days.

Let's stick with this genre, though.

I mean,
it's not like we really have a choice.
But goodness!
Look at those socks with those skirts!
I'm sure that's a convincing argument
for some people
to learn modern Hebrew
(though, looking at the cover,
I'm wondering how modern it is after all...)
but I might need some more convincing.
Add someone breathing fire or something.
Yes,
I went there.

Our last book is really fitting.

It's timely.
Passover just ended.

Oh!
And guess what?
I'm having matzo ball soup for dinner.
So yes,
basically,
I win.

Oh!
A clue!
We need a clue for my
secret-that-really-isn't-so-secret-anymore-but-is-still-a-secret-to-people-I-haven't-told-yet.

Um...
Ummm....
Ummmmmm....

I will not be attending the Baltimore Book Festival in the fall.

Anyway,
you only need to wait a week now and
I'll stop giving you really dumb clues
and
tell you what half of you already know.

Maybe I do need coffee.

Books 471-475

2011-04-26T10:06:00.001-07:00

Well.
It's been a long few days
since we last chatted.
No matter.
We're all here now.
Let's look at some books.

Hmmm.

The faces on this cover
don't look very happy.
Perhaps it's because they're
somewhat out of proportion.
That would upset me.
Or it could be because
this book is a mystery
and they've all been accused of murder.
I imagine that would also
be pretty upsetting.
Having never been accused
with such an accusation before,
though,
I couldn't say for certain.
My money in on
the former.

Oh, I like this next cover.

If only this book came with
an empty beach
for the reader
(i.e. me)
to read this book upon.
Then I would read it.
Books would be a lot more expensive,
though,
if they all came with
empty beaches.

Huh.

Coffee is endangered?
Never.
Or maybe chair backs are?
I can't imagine
salt and pepper shakers
making the list.

Now I want coffee.
Damn it.

This next book is called
The White Album
because all of the characters in it
are blind
(you can tell because
all of their eyes are covered
or are looking in the wrong direction
— away from us)
and must rely on their other senses
(i.e. auditory).

Naturally,
this makes the Beatles
quite popular.

This sounds a little redundant.

The Storyteller's Story.
That's like saying
"The Shoemaker's Shoe"
or something.
It lacks a certain amount of pizazz.
Yes.
Pizazz.

If I ever write a memoir,
I'm going to title it
Hijinks Ensue.
That would amuse me,
even if it didn't amuse anyone else.

I suppose I better
start doing something interesting with my life,
in order to merit a memoir.

Damn it again.

Books 466-470

2011-04-22T08:14:00.000-07:00

This just in:
I'm on vacation
and I'm sick.
One of these things needs to stop.
Immediately.
I'm looking at you,
possibly-strep-throat-but-who-knows-because-the-Patient-First-doctor-sucked.

Ahem.
Okay.
Sorry.
That's out of my system.
I'll be nice now.

Our comment about our first book
actually comes from
my younger sister,
ASM.

She believes this title
accurately describes
all
of the Garfield comics,
as in,
they all take up space.
She might have to take that up with
our older sister,
ANM,
because I believe she sees Garfield
as harmless entertainment.
My position on it all?
Or whatever.

This is a very interesting cover.

And I'm sure it's a very interesting book.
And.
Words.
Amusing commentary.
Etcetera.
Etcetera.

I'm sorry.
I can't be entertaining all the time.
Sometimes my mind just goes blank.

I like this next cover.
It's simple, pretty,
and to the point.

Well done,
Mr. Potok.
Well done.

Oh!
Mr. Aleichem!

Does anyone else
get a nice moment of nostalgia
whenever one of our
original repeat offenders
reappear?
It really is like seeing an old friend again.
Time was
(i.e. way back on the first bookcase)
it looked like
Mr. Aleichem
would be one of our top competitors.
He's still up there,
but Mr. Trudeau, Mad,
random journals, and Ms. Tyler
are certainly giving him
a run for his money.

Speaking of Ms. Tyler...

I actually read this one.
There was something about a
missing Beatles song in it,
I think.
I don't know.
It's been a long time.

Okay,
I'm going to go do something unproductive.
That sounds good.

Have a great weekend,
everyone!

Books 461-465

2011-04-20T12:03:00.001-07:00

These are trying times.
Not just trying.
Bleak.

Many of us have been forced
to make compromises.

Many more are out of jobs.

And many of us don't know who to turn to.

Luckily,
there's hope.

So,
all who are jobless,
all who are CPR certified,
all who have
weekends and evenings to spare,
and all who miss the 90s...

Behold:

Who need math when you can babysit?

Euclid.
That's who.
Euclid was pretty cool,
though.

And,
had they been in
the same time and place,
I bet Euclid would have hung out with
our dear, old friend
Larousse.

There might be a bit of a language barrier,
but I'd imagine they'd work it out.
After all,
Larousse does specialize in
language to language
dictionaries.
Sure,
they're mostly
English to French,
but isn't math a universal language?

Some how I think
Mr. McCourt
might feel a little left out
from Larousse and Euclid's
edifying happy hour.

He does seem quite cheerful
on that cover,
though.
So I'm sure he'd be able to entertain himself
while they're out.
Maybe he could
pick up some extra cash
babysitting.

In fact,
we even have a book here
he could read to the children.

Nonsense French poetry.
No,
really.
That's what this is.
Apparently,
when read aloud,
the poems sound like
English nursery rhymes.
He might want to hide the cover,
though.
Nobody wants to see the
Starbucks logo
as an awkwardly unclothed child.

Today's clue:
7 hours and 32 minutes.

Books 456-460

2011-04-18T17:31:00.000-07:00

Good evening!
Today's post is a little late in the day.
Partly because I was busy
trying out a new
M.F.K. Fisher recipe for
the cactus garden,
but also in part because
I decided it was more important to
finishing reading a book
than talk about other books.
These things happen.

Books tend to do that to a person.

They also help create easy transitions.
Watch.

Oh, look!
A book!

I vaguely remember
reading this book
(but not this copy of it)
a long time ago.
It was very Jules Verne-y,
which isn't the best description,
but if you've read
Mr. Verne's books before
you'll know what I mean.

Oh, look!
Another book!

This book,
An Edwardian Holiday,
by Mr. John S. Goodall,
has a very non-descriptive cover.

But the artwork inside is great.

See what I mean?

Oh, look!
Another book!

Also with a boring cover!
And also by Mr. Goodall!

This book is titled
The Midnight Adventure.
If you can't tell from the above picture,
it takes liberties with reality.
I really hope you could
tell that from the above picture.
Otherwise we might need
to have a serious conversation
about not letting cats smoke indoors.
Smoking indoors in
public places is illegal
in Maryland.
Your cats should know better.

Oh, look!
Another book!

Something about this cover
really upsets me.

I think it's the pants.
Or the fact that it kind of looks like
the girl on the right
is punching the boy on the left's
crotch.
That's very inappropriate.
Especially for sixth grade.

Oh, look!
It's the last book!

Mr. Schultz is back
with
You're A Big Hit, Charlie Brown!
That one quote,
"Explosively funny!"
sounds a little dangerous,
not to mention worrisome,
to me.
I think I'll leave this one on the shelf,
just to be safe.

Sorry,
Charlie Brown.
Maybe next next time.

Books 451-455

2011-04-15T08:31:00.001-07:00

Oh, yay!
You're all still here!
I was so afraid
after last Wednesday's
spastic post
you had all run off
to join the pygmies.
(Because,
let's face it,
running off to join
the circus
has been done already.)
I'm so glad you all
weren't scared off
by the massive
Worm Genocide of 2011.

That makes me happy.
(By "that,"
I mean the fact that you all
stuck around.
Not the fact that
all those poor worms died.
Let's have a moment of silence for them.)

Want to know what else makes me happy?

This book:

It's a favorite.
It also makes me sad,
though.
Ms. Diana Wynne Jones recently passed away.
I find it incredibly upsetting that
I will never be able to
buy her a pint at a pub
and listen to all the writer gossip.
She was a very cool lady
and
a great storyteller.
I wish I had had the chance to meet her.

Oh dear.
Now I need to figure out how to transition
to our next book.

Hmmm...
I never met Katherine Drexel,
either.
(Okay,
horrible transition,
sorry.)

Um.
My dad went to Drexel for college.
Um.
This book seems very patriotic.
Um.

Clearly,
I am at a loss for words.

And Mr. H.G. Wells isn't helping.

Even though it has a boring cover,
I love this book's title,
An Outline of History, Revised,
because it makes me think
Mr. Wells is rewriting history
to include the
Alien Landing of 1402,
the Finger Painting Renaissance of 1789,
and,
of course,
the future Worm Genocide of 2011.
Well done,
Mr. Wells.
This is a history book I approve of.

Oh!
Ms. Austen!

I was wondering
when you'd show up here.
You're certainly fashionably late,
about two book cases or so.
That's okay.
I like your cover art.
Plus,
that bonnet
and the placement of the arm
of the girl in the foreground
makes it look like
the girl on the left
has her head on backwards.
Who knows?
Maybe she does.

Oh, wow!
This is an exciting day!

Now we have three authors I've read.
(The first two being
Ms. Jane Austen
and
Ms. Diana Wynne Jones,
of course.)
I'm guessing several of you out there
read Mr. E.B. White
as a kid.

Let's end today with an impromptu poll!

What was your favorite E.B. White book?

Mine was Stuart Little,
but that's because
I like miniatures.

Ok, go!

Books 446-450

2011-04-13T11:39:00.001-07:00

Want to know
a few things going on right now?
No?
Tough.
I'm going to tell you,
anyway.

There's a mass worm genocide
going on outside right now.
No news stations
have picked up on the story
as of yet,
though.
I'll keep you posted just in case.

I have the song
"Off the Map"
by Alkaline Trio
stuck in my head.
That's okay.
I like Alkaline Trio.

Mr. George Gissing
has a typo
in his title.

That's only one woman
on the cover.
She is singular,
not multiple.
Unless,
of course,
she has a multiple personality disorder.
Then I'm wrong,
and I do apologize.
But whatever.

I had soup for lunch.
It was tomato bisque.

Also,
we officially have at least
two copies of this book.

Also,
this cover makes me think of
the end of that
Monty Python movie,
but of course now I can't remember the title.
Go figure.
Yell it out in the comments.

Oh!
Hey!
This next book is kind of timely.

Cause it's April and all.

I like the color green.
And yes,
it is important you know that.
Why?
I have no clue.

There's green out side now.
Because it's Spring.
That makes me happy.

This next book is actually mine.

I think it was a birthday present
or something.
It's been a long time since I read it,
but if I remember correctly,
there was water in it.
And babies.

Our last book is actually rather interesting.
The cover is made out of wood
and
it opens like an accordion.
That's pretty awesome.

It's also very pretty inside.
See?

And...
still pretty.

If you couldn't tell from those two pages,
this last book was called
A Book of
Famous and Beautiful Chinese Ladies
From All Antiquities.

I just made a face at the computer,
but you couldn't see it
so you'll just have to take my word for it.
I'm don't know why I did that.
I just did.

This week's clue for my
Super, Awesome, Amazing, Exciting Secret
(okay, it's probably not all that great)
is:
42 and 71.

This post is proof that
I should not be allowed to have
more than two cups of coffee a day.
It's also why I'm not allowed
to have sugar in my coffee.

The End.

Books 441-445

2011-04-11T06:35:00.001-07:00

Today is a day
for answering some
Very Important Questions.

You are probably asking yourself:
Why is this flower crying?

Clearly it is upset
that it has been forced to pose
on a cover
with a mismatched title.
"Why??!!!
Why??!!!"
the flower is crying.
"Why is there no avenue on this cover??
It wouldn't need to be a Grand avenue.
It could just be an Okay avenue.
But, why??!!!"

It's okay,
flower.
That would make me cry
flower petals,
too.

Speaking of mismatched
covers and titles,
here we must ask ourselves why
the play-that-must-not-be-mentioned-or-whatever-it's-macbeth
has been given so dowdy a cover?

Clearly these thrifty publishers
(See what I did there?)
were unable to afford a proper cover artist
and were forced to use
a scarf
to symbolically stand for
all the blood and guts and gore.
Too bad they got the wrong color
for all of that,
though.

Another pressing question today,
which I'm sure many of you
Dear Readers
have been wondering since
day two here
(because day one really wasn't that interesting):
How do I become a repeat offender
on Books On My Parents' Shelves?

Become friends with my parents.
Or anyone in my family.
We tend to hold onto multiple copies of
our friends and families' books.

Or just send us books.
It takes us ages to go through them.
It's very likely they'll be scanned
and added to these archives
before we donate them
or pass them off to some unsuspecting person.

As for our last two
Very Important Questions
of the day:
Does my mother have a journal?

Yes.
Many.
Has she forgotten this one is hers?
Quite possibly.

You're welcome, mum.

Books 436-440

2011-04-08T08:53:00.000-07:00

It was a dark and stormy day.

Outside,
the rain rained down like

tiny droplets of water,
hurtling down to the earth
at reasonable speeds
from the lofty gray clouds
that overcast the land.

In his dark room,
Sherlock Holmes wondered idly
why he had let the landlady
paint the walls a dismal gray-green.

The color sapped his complexion
and the poor lighting made it difficult
for him to tell
whether he had found
a clean handkerchief
or not.
It looked a little like the one
he had used the day before,
but in the dim room
it was difficult to tell.

Sherlock sighed
and put the handkerchief back in his pocket.
It would just have to do for the day.

He opened the heavy curtains
and looked out the window.
Out in the harbor,
his lightning project
seemed to be going well.

The boat had been struck by lightning
so many times
it now glowed
like an obnoxious fluorescent light bulb.
A few more lightning bolts
and the ship would light up the town.
Night would seem like day.
No one would get much sleep that evening.

Thinking of sleep,
Sherlock remembered
the young viking
who had appeared in his dream
the previous night.

The boy had worn a helmet
with wings so large
he could barely hold his head up straight.
Sherlock couldn't pity a person who's
cape clasp looked like two googly eyes,
though.
And when he refused to engage
in a debate
about the proper usage of the word
"viking,"
the boy had become angry
and rowed off in his cartoon-ish ship
toward the gray blobs lining the shore.

Sherlock considered writing
the dream down in his journal.

But the journal was blank
and it seemed a shame
to ruin that emptiness
with viking banality.

He put the book down and stood up.

It was time to pack.

There was a mystery happening
somewhere in Quebec.
Probably the old section.
Or maybe the new part.
He wasn't sure.
He wasn't very well-read up
on Canadian geography.

But there was definitely a mystery there.

He was sure of it.

And if there wasn't one already there,
he would create one
to solve.

After all,
what else was there to do on a rainy day?

Books 431-435

2011-04-06T08:12:00.001-07:00

Okay,
it's really cold in here.
Is anyone else freezing right now?
I know it's in the 60s-ish (F, not C) today,
but that doesn't mean
it's air conditioning weather.

Goodness.
Now I'm just typing to keep warm.

I'm going to start carrying
my quilt around with me everywhere.
I will be that random person
sitting in coffee shops and Irish pubs
trying not to spill dark beverages
on her duvet cover.

What an image.

Hurry up, summer.
I miss you.

I have no transition from that ramble
to today's first book.
Oh, well.

Not sure if this book is technically
my mum's or my older sister's.
It's been in our house for ages.
I like mythology and history
and I vaguely remember
browsing through this one.
I know!
That's exciting!
It's been a bit since we've had a book
I've actually read.
Thing is,
I don't really remember
what I read in this one.

Ugh.
That's really frustrating.

I do really kind of want to read this next one.

I haven't read the blurb,
but something about the cover
and the tag line
makes me think of
Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight,
which I really loved.
Also,
I really appreciate
the actual road
on the cover of the book.
It balances the title nicely.

Going back to the subject of
Books I Have Actually Read,
who else trudged their way through
Robert Jordan's
Wheel of Time
series?

Oh,
and who else gave up
after the series refused to end?
I think I got tired
around book nine or ten.
I keep considering going back
and rereading and trying to catch up.
(Did the series ever actually end??)
But then I find other books and series
that don't require an entire lifetime to read.
It's a tough call.

Oh. My.

Everyone get off the planet,
now!
It's going to eat us!
I have nothing else to say to this book,
or to Mr. Bryson.
Some cover art should not make it past
the conceptional stage.
Mr. Bryson,
you're a repeat offender.
In fact,
you were in our second post.
You should know better.

A little over a year after
her visit,
Ms. Patchett has returned.

She's brought along the exact same book
she brought the first time.
We didn't really say much
about this book back then.
Annnd.......
I still don't have much to say.
Drat.
Sorry,
Ms. Patchett.
Better luck next time?

As for today's clue:
I'm too overwhelmed to come up with a clue.
Yeah,
that's kind of a stupid clue,
but it's difficult coming up with
three different clues a week.
So,
no more.
I'll give you another
(real)
clue next Wednesday.
We'll continue on the Wednesday schedule
until the big reveal.
Which,
by the way,
I've decided will be
either
May 4 or May 11.

Not too much longer now.

Books 426-430

2011-04-04T12:35:00.001-07:00

Back,
by popular demand
(okay, not really):
Books On My Parents' Shelves

Okay.
Enough of that nonsense.

Things are kicking off
a little sketchy today.

And when I say
"sketchy,"
I don't mean that in a good way.
Or a cover art style way.
How old are the neighbors' children?
Is this a book for
aspiring pedophiles?
I certainly hope not.
Caricatures scare me.

Moving on...
Should we place bets on this next book?

I'm guessing the left.
But I guess it could be the right one.
Either way,
she hasn't done a very good job
of hiding her eyes.

This book marks the end of the second bookcase.
Pheww...
That took us a good long while,
didn't it?

Oh!
Bloom County!
You're back!

You're back in double!

What an exciting day!
I miss Opus.
Look how happy he looks up there.
That makes me happy,
too.

Want to know who else I miss?

These two.
And by
"these two,"
I mean the two on the bed.
Though it looks like we found
Ms. Ella Gertrude Clanton Thomas'
secret eye(s)
after all.
That's a sneaky trick,
hiding them on an entirely different cover.

Today's hint
for My Exciting, Wonderful Secret is :
Jacques Pépin

Things 1-5

2011-04-01T06:21:00.001-07:00

As in life,
there comes a time
when every blog
must reevaluate itself.

Recently,
I've been doing just that
with the redesign
and
the one year anniversary
celebratory guest posts
back in January.
Even just last week
we reached the 400th book post,
which I'm sure we can all agree
was an impressive day.

However,
after much consideration,
I've come to the conclusion that
a brown background and
an established history
of scanning a lot of book covers
isn't enough for this blog.
It's time to revamp things a bit.
So this past week I sat down
and made a list.

The first thing that definitely needed to go
was the books.
They're clunky,
there's way too many of them,
scanning can be really annoying,
and honestly,
they're just not that interesting.
Books?
Who reads books anymore?
They're totally passé.
Borders and Barnes & Noble
have been in financial trouble
for what seems like eons now.
And when they close,
who's going to read anymore?
It's not like anyone ever uses the library these days.

With books out of the picture,
it was time to rethink the title of the blog.
Clearly I had to get rid of the
"Parents'"
bit.
I have the coolest parents in the world,
but I'm pretty sure it's not acceptable to admit that.
Or been seen in public with them.
Or admit that I even have parents in the first place.
It's better that you all think
I just suddenly appeared,
walking into town with the sun behind my back
so you couldn't really distinguish my features
and
you can all assume
that one day
—if I can ever afford a car or a horse or a go-cart—
I'll ride back off into that sunset,
never to be seen again.
That's far more appropriate.

With these major changes made,
it became instantly obvious
what this blog needed to become.

And so,
at long last,
I'd like to present:

Stuff On SB's Shelf

My friend,
SB,
has a lot of stuff in his house.
And by a lot, I mean there's stuff everywhere.
There's stuff on the first floor,
there's stuff on the second floor,
there's even stuff in the basement.
A lot of it is pretty interesting.
Some things I don't really know what they are.
SB told me, but I didn't listen.
But, having recently met up with SB for dinner,
he was kind enough to clear a shelf off for me
in his living room
so I could photograph his stuff on it.

Thing 1
This is a shake-weight.
I didn't know anyone had one of these.

SB does, though.
That's pretty interesting.
I don't know if he actually uses it
or if he just keeps it around to use
as a conversation piece at parties.

Thing 2
Clip on opera-glasses magnifying things.

I don't wear glasses,
so these don't apply to me.

Thing 3
Hand-held video game something.

I'm pretty sure this is two things
that don't normally go together.
They're cross-thinging.
That's like cross-breeding,
only with inanimate objects.

Thing 4
I didn't know these sort of things still existed.

I thought natural selection had wiped them out.
I guess not.
I wouldn't be surprised if it was on
the endangered video game list,
though.

Thing 5
I don't know what this thing is.

SB told me what it was about
three or four times
but I still can't remember.
All I know is
it didn't want to sit up straight to be photographed
and
VL,
SB's fiancée,
will be happy to see it in our first set of things.
I like VL,
so that's okay.
I wouldn't want to take this thing home,
though.
It's kind of weird.

That ends our collection of stuff for the day.
I hope you enjoyed
our first post as
Stuff On SB's Shelf.

Before you go,
though,
here's today's clue for
my super awesome secret:

There are things involved.

Oh!

And stuff.

Books 421-425

2011-03-30T10:56:00.000-07:00

Goodness.
Look how time flies.
It's just about April.
Good-bye, winter.
Please don't come back.
No,
seriously.
Don't come back.

In other news,
my cat, Phebe, is going to hate me.

Circus cat!
Yeah,
she's going to hate me.

Why is this scan of the cover of
Love in the Time of Cholera
missing part of the title?

I have no clue.
Am I mildly bitter about it?
You bet.
Does it also make the book sound like
a chronometric medical textbook?
Yes.

Somehow I think
"deadline"
means something different here
than the whole
turn-your-homework-in-on-time deadline we're used to.

However,
the cover art does accurately reflect
how I feel about deadlines.
So maybe it is about turning in
marketing requisitions
on time.

Ooh!
This next book was written by
my parents' friend,
Mr. Jack Noone.

My mother did not design the cover.
Just so you know.
It would be a lot more
aesthetically appealing if she had.

I could use about
a hundred years
of solitude right now.
Or a hundred days.
Or a hundred minutes.

Or I could just stare at this cover.
That's relaxing, too.
Let's not talk about the font color choices,
though.

Today's clue:
Microchips. For cats.

Books 416-420

2011-03-28T12:32:00.000-07:00

Good days are made up of
lazy mornings,
lots of sunshine,
cups of coffee,
and a purring Phebe cat.

Sure,
it means I get around to posting
a little later than normal,
but whatever.
It's a good day.

Study this next book.
It will be reappearing on this site
at least two more times,
if not more.

Don't ask me why we have so many copies of
Love in the Time of Cholera.
My mum just really likes it or something.

I just got worried for a minute.

For a second,
seeing the title,
I thought this was the sequel to
Gone With the Wind,
which I hated.
But then I realized the cover was too nice
to be that.
We just got a lucky break there.
Thank Ms. Binchy.

Hmmm.
I should know this next book.
I should have read it already.

But I haven't.
The title is familiar,
but that's about it.
There really aren't enough hours in the day
to read all of the books I'd like to.
Instead,
based entirely off of this cover,
I will imagine that the title brothers
are experimental artists
getting ready for their first art gallery opening,
but the sudden murder of the curator
forces them to become undercover detectives
on the side.
Hijinks ensue.

We have a small theme today.

Love in places and times.
Love seems to happen
in places and in different periods of time,
so that works,
though it does sound like the boring basis
to a high school English lecture.

Oh,
and that ice cream looks really awkward.
Just saying.

Mr. Gabriel Garcia Marquez
is taking advantage of his debut post
to stake his claim as a repeat offender.

He's done it very nicely.
I'm kind of in love with this cover.
I could stare at it for a good while.
But instead I'll be nice
and give you today's clue.

Dropkick Murphys.

(Please note,
clues are subject to change, interpretation,
and might not be literal aspects of
the Secret.
I probably should have made this disclaimer
when I started the clues.
Oh well.
Tough.)

Books 411-415

2011-03-25T07:51:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I'm a little careless.
I get so overwhelmed by the little things
cluttering up my day,
and I forget to check in on the people around me.

So, hi!
How's it going?
Are you looking forward to the weekend?
I am.
I hope your week hasn't been too cluttered.
And I hope you have fun stories
to share with the people in your life.
You can share them with me,
too,
if you like.

Let's look at some books,
shall we?
Because that's kind of what we do here.

Hmmm.

Two things here.
One:
I want a calligraphy pen.
It can use regular ink, though.
I imagine blood would probably clot the tip up.
Two:
What are protocols one through three?
Shouldn't we learn them first,
before discussing
the fourth protocol?

I'm not quite sure what's going on with
this next cover.

The fabric is pretty and all
and I like the green detail,
but what does that have to do with the title?
Are they going to make the boy
a suit out of the fabric?
Is that why he's "suitable?"

This cover is very pretty.

I also like the title.
I imagine I would like the book, too,
but considering I have no clue
what it's actually about,
that's probably a very silly assumption.

I'm pretty sure
Ms. Joyce Carol Oates
is one of the authors my mother
enjoys reading.

So she might not like the fact that
I totally imagined this book
being about a cannablistic gourmet restaurant.
Sentence fragments for titles
often make my imagination run off
on very awkward directions.
Have I mentioned what I think of vampires before?
They're cannibals on a liquid diet.
Goodness, I'm rambling.

See what sentence fragments do to me?

So of course we have to have
another fragment title.

Darkly what?
DARKLY WHAT?!

This is very dissatisfying.

Stupid authors with their stupid titles.
If I ever get published,
I'm going to name my first book
"Book"
and my second book
"Book 2"
and so on.
It might not be very creative,
but at least when someone asks,
"What was that book by SM called again?"
it'll be funny.

Oh!
I didn't forget.
Today's clue for my secret is:
4.5-ish

Books 406-410

2011-03-23T11:59:00.000-07:00

Today is a very gray day,
but despite that
I've decided it's actually a
Good Mood Day.
Even during grumpy-inducing madness,
I kind of feel like
jumping up and down.

I have a secret.

It's a very exciting secret.

And,
unless you're one of the
Good Secret-Keeper People
I've already told,
you're not going to find out
what that secret is
in this post.

Don't be disappointed,
though.
We're going to start a new game.
We're going to start ending
our books post
with little clues.
Maybe you can guess my secret.
Maybe not.
You're welcome to try.

And after awhile,
when I get bored of this game
and
when it seems like a good time
I'll let the rest of you in
on my secret.

Sound good?

Iron John thinks so.

Look at that sly expression.
He already has a guess or two,
but he's not sharing.
He's also working on his chameleon skills.
Those trees aren't going to blend into themselves,
you know.

Correct me if I'm wrong,
but Ms. Atwood is now
a repeat offender,
isn't she?

She first appeared way back when
in our first,
really boring post.
That post was so dull,
I didn't think she'd come back to visit us again.
It's nice to know she doesn't hold grudges.

Speaking of repeat offenders.

Yep.
Mr. Doctorow is back.
This time he's submitting a book about
jugglers
and
gentleman hanging out in eggs.
I guess there were only so many times
he could submit
City of God
for our amusement.

Oh!
I know this next story!

It's really called
"Working Without Benefits."
It's the story of
working-class America
and what happens when you catch a cold.

Oh no!
OH NO!

Why would you want to kill
Mister Watson?
Has Mr. Matthiessen not seen the new
BBC Sherlock?
Quick!
Someone call Martin Freeman
and tell him to hide!

On that panicked note,
our small clue of the day:
The letter B.

Books 401-405

2011-03-21T12:25:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those days where
everything seems to be running
about half an hour behind schedule
and
the stress of it all
makes you feel like your coffee
has snuck up behind you
and is about to hit you
over the head
with a cement thermos?

Yeah.

Today kind of feels like that.

Is it nap time yet?
I'm ready to go home.

Speaking of home.

These girls are already there.
Home,
in this book,
doesn't look like that great a place,
though.
The girl on the left appears to be
petrifying into the porch railing.
And the girl on the right seems to be
dissolving into watercolor pencil lines.
That can really put a damper on an evening.

This next magazine thing
marks the end of shelf five
on the second bookcase.

Very exciting.
I'm trying to figure out why the
"ph"
in
"hyphen"
is in bold.
Maybe all of the stories inside the magazine
had to do with checking the
ph balance of things?
Ooh,
or maybe the title was typed up wrong
and it was supposed to be called
"Hyp Hen."
That would be amusing.
I would totally read a magazine called
"Hyp Hen."
After all,
hens are pretty hip.
Though I'm not sure if they technically have any hips,
now that I think about it...

Hello,
President Truman.

And Ms. Margaret Truman
(who actually wrote this book).
Your cover seems to be fittingly understated.
I can understand not wanting
to draw too much attention here.
After all,
I did just start rambling about farm yard animals
because a font choice irritated me.

Want to know who I'm really excited
to see in this post?

Ms. Hepburn.
She's one of my personal heroes.
Quick,
let's all skip out of whatever we're doing
and go watch
The African Queen.
Just cause.

Oh dear.

This sounds like a bad Sci-Fi movie in the works.
Soon passionate children's brains
will be attacking you,
looking for a body to house their
gurgling cerebrums.

Books 396-400

2011-03-18T16:18:00.000-07:00

Hello, hello!
Guess where we are again?
We're at another Very Important Post.

It's the four hundredth book count-up.

Isn't that exciting?
Let's get started.

Book 396
Want to know who I think
would be very awkward in a relationship?

Mr. Erich Fromm.
Anyone who writes a book called
The Art of Loving
sounds a little over the top to me.
I almost hope he wasn't writing
from experience.
They do tell writers to
"write what you know,"
though,
so you never know.

Book 397
Is it just me,
or is Benji looking
a little mangy here?

Poor puppy.
Poor font choice, too.

Book 398
Oh Mad.

You never cease, do you?
Or, at least,
you never cease to hang out on
our book shelves.
Seriously,
we might need to start charging you
for taking up space.
A renter's fee,
if you will.

Book 399
This is one of those times when
I don't feel too bad about a missing cover.

If you get a chance,
click on the cover to enlarge it
so you can read what
Twisted Tales from Shakespeare
is about.
It's much more informative
than I could ever be.

And finally.

It's time.

Book 400

The Hobbit.

It's nice to end on a book I absolutely adore for once.

Happy weekend, everyone!

Books 391-395

2011-03-16T08:28:00.001-07:00

I'm going to try to ease back into things slowly.
If you've been wondering where I've been
and why there haven't been any
Books on My Parents' Shelves
posts recently,
the answer is here.
I'm too tired to explain things twice.

Growing up,
I loved this first book.

It was funny and it was civilized.
It taught you how to say "please" and "thank you."
It inspired me to use nice manners
in awkward situations,
such as dealing with marauding, dancing bears,
inviting hostages to breakfast on pirate ships,
and
talking to pilots who don't know
"up"
from
"crashing into your house."
These are things all children should learn.

Another childhood/family favorite
was anything written by
Mr. Gary Larson.

Because of Mr. Larson,
I grew up with a great understanding
of the terrible plight
cows faced in life
because they lacked opposable thumbs.
Another very important life lesson.
(By the way,
did you know Blogger does not recognize
the word "opposable?"
Very strange.
And not very opposable.)

This next cover makes me sleepy.
It's not very interesting.

It also makes me think of PBS
because it has the word
"masterpiece"
in it,
and that makes me think of
Masterpiece Theater.
Thinking of PBS
reminds me I want to check out
Downtown Abbey
or whatever it's called
and that other one that goes with it.
I'm so good with titles.

Speaking of titles
and their lack of,
this next book is called
Surrender the Pink.

As to what pink thing is being surrendered,
we may never know.
Partly because the cover is ripped,
and partly because I'm too lazy to
look Ms. Fisher's book up on Amazon.

I don't have much to say about
Steppenwolf.

However,
my older sister does.
She told my mother and me her exact thoughts
and issues about Mr. Hesse's work
in detail over dinner last night.
It's ironic,
really,
that this book is in today's post.
Oh, well.
I guess that's just how things go.

Books 386-390, Guest Post

2011-03-07T12:45:00.000-08:00

Due to extenuating circumstances,
I was unable to write today's post.
Filling in for me is my older sister,
ANM.
She's awesome.
I can't thank her enough.
Well,
actually,
four or five thanks
and some Doctor Who should do it.
—SM

Look, ladies and gentlemen:
I've graduated to real book covers!
No magazines or awards in sight!

I've actually read this first book.
I think I really enjoyed it,
but I'm not sure.
At the moment,
I'm just trying to figure out how
that tag line managed to make it into print
without being censored.

Although,
I guess it does say it is uncensored.
So that makes it all okay.

I really have very little to say about this next book
... except that when I was a kid
I thought Karl Marx was one of the Marx brothers,
and I was very confused about all the controversy surrounding him.
I mean really?
Who doesn't like Duck Soup?
If you don't,
then there is something wrong with you.
Granted,
I also thought Lenin was John Lennon,
which tells you how I learned history.

I'm not sure what one finds in The Devil's Dictionary.
I'm not even sure why one would choose to read such a book.
I also have no idea if this is non-fiction or a novel.
If it's non-fiction,
I would really like to know how
and from what sources
Mr. Bierce got his information.

And I'd really like to know what is coming out of the mouth of that mask.
Just saying.

Something tells me
that the cover artist for Ms. McGowin's book
didn't know what a labyrinth was.
Because a couple of trees
and some psychedelic mist
really don't connote either a maze or Alzheimer's.

But actually,
this cover also makes me a little sad,
because it makes me think of Terry Pratchett.

And moving on from that somber moment,
and a most inappropriate next cover:

I like circus fonts.
But I'm not entirely sure why this is titled Salted Peanuts.
It probably has something to do with elephants.
I kind of wish they had put an elephant on the cover of this
- maybe just an outline or something.
And I'm kind of craving peanuts.
And the circus.

Anyway, that's it for me.
Maybe SM will let me come out of my cage again soon.

Books 381-385

2011-03-04T09:55:00.001-08:00

So,
recently I've started glancing at the blog
Awful Library Books.
It's another books blog
featuring books that are being weeded
from library collections.
A lot of the books are just dated.
Kind of like this one here:

The big difference is,
though,
I'm not weeding books.
Therefore,
I can revel in the
Great Awkwardness of Stereotypes
and go to sleep knowing
that this book is still sitting
safely on the shelf
over by the window.

Also dated and awkward
would be this next book.

This book features awkward bears,
and while the title indicates
this book is about hugging,
I'd like to think they are actually
about to start a
bear-throwing contest
of epic proportions.

Goodness.
There are some pretty big name authors
(not literally)
in this next book.

Wouldn't it be funny if
a bunch of authors all got together
and submitted
the exact same story
to the same anthology?
I bet that would really irritate the editors.
They'd also have to rename the book
Point of View.
I bet that wouldn't sell well.

Normally I enjoy Mr. Trudeau's work,
but today I think we need to have a
Serious Conversation
about today's title.

It would not have been difficult
to add an 's' to 'meetings.'
And I really wish Mr. Trudeau had done that.
As the title stands,
and with the cover image as it is,
'meeting'
sounds like a very dubious act.
I do not want to know
what is going on in that hot tub.

This next book agrees with me.

But it agrees with me in a slightly nicer tone
and a not-so-nice font.
I wouldn't trust
this last book's opinion too much,
though.
It's cover character is a litterer.

Books 376-380

2011-03-02T06:08:00.001-08:00

Good morning!
It's a lovely day outside,
or so I've heard
(my office doesn't have any windows),
but somehow just knowing
it's a nice day out there
makes today feel like a nice day
in here.

It's almost nice enough weather
to start doing things outside.
Things like
gardening,
hiking,
or running.

Running
is apparently not for all people,
though.

Besides telling America
"it's okay, you don't have to move,"
this book also hires trashcans
to do your running for you.
That should def. save some hours in the day
for not running.

This is why I am not normally allowed near
spiritual books:

I read this cover and immediately imagined
a bunch of ghosts sitting on a bus.
Don't ask why.
I think it had something to do with
priority seating for the
elderly, disabled, or deceased.
At least I avoided a bad pun.

There are no birds on this next cover.
Or ladies.
Or ladybirds.

Clearly this book is lies.
All lies.

There is,
however,
a bird on this next cover.

Maybe we can just chalk this all up to bad timing?
Also,
in other news,
I don't normally think of raccoons
when I think of ponds.
I do think that fish on the bottom
tore the cover on purpose
to cover his eyes.
He's going incognito on this one.

Let's end today on a classic.

This is one of my all-time favorite book titles.
And,
bonus,
it's in a large, friendly, pink font.
What more could we ask for?

Books 371-375

2011-02-28T12:09:00.000-08:00

Is it possible that a post
could be retro
within its own blog?
If so,
then today's books are so
last bookshelf.

This book I know has been on
my parents' bookshelves for years.
I remember seeing it growing up.

I don't think I ever
played any of the games
or
tried any of the puzzles,
though.
Maybe even back then
I realized that the lack of commas
was upsetting
and inappropriate.

I've never been big on proverbs.
When I do think of them,
I think of that scene from Amelie
where the other waitress quizzes
the guy Amelie is love with.

Given the nature of Yiddish proverbs,
that scene would have probably been
a lot funnier
had the writers used this book
as source material.

Sometimes my personality conflicts with itself.

I have a good amount of Irish in me,
so I'm mildly amused by this cover.
But I also have some
Graphic Designer in me,
and that part of me
is screaming desperately for white space.

I wonder how many goys
find themselves urgently needing
a guide to Jewish expressions.

Imagine someone pulling this book out
at a bar
and using it like a translation dictionary.
How very odd that would be.

Insult books are always amusing.

I have a much more exciting book of insults than this one.
It has a theme.
It's a book of Shakespearean insults.
It's in storage right now,
but one day it will sit out proudly
on a coffee table,
just waiting for a telemarketer to call...

Books 366-370

2011-02-25T06:54:00.000-08:00

I hope this hasn't been too much
of a shock.
Or ruined your day.
By "this,"
I do, of course, mean the
Books On My Parents' Shelves
redesign.
If you hadn't noticed,
you're probably okay.
If it has upset you so much
that your day is ruined,
I think you might be
a little too invested
in this silly project.

I was getting a little tired of the bland,
you see.
It had been over a year,
and the Books... design was just basic.
It was depressing me.
And a depressed SM writes
incredibly boring posts.
So really,
I was doing this for you.

As for the fonts,
I know some of you out there aren't serif fans.
I generally shy away from them myself.
But I'm kind of in love
with the title font.
And this just feels like a serif project.
So deal with it.
Maybe in a year or so,
when I get bored again,
we'll go sans with another redesign.

In the meanwhile,
as I did this redesign rather quickly,
let me know if there are any issues
(readability, etc.)
you might have
and I'll take them into consideration.

Anyway,
on to what you really came here for:
the books.

Remember when everyone was
was calling last year
the year of the leaks?

I'm pretty sure this wasn't what they had in mind.
I'm also pretty sure
last year wasn't ever referred to as a
"tidal wave of merriment."
Mr. Buchwald
was not ahead of his time.
I do wonder
if they actually made him stand
in a pool of water
to take that photo.
That would certainly be a memorable event
in book marketing.

There are so many jokes
I could tell here
with this next cover.
And none of them are appropriate.

Let's just say,
I don't think I'd want to be the author
of a joke book
that had a couple of—
Wait.
Still not appropriate.
I'll stop here.

Mr. Bellow has done something
that I wish more authors would do.

He has picked a literal title.
I don't need to wonder what this book is about
because that title tells me.
The book is about a theft.
The cover is about ridiculously long arms
waving out of small windows
at flying books.
Simple.

Can someone do a Wikipedia search
for a picture of Mr. Thurber?

I'd just like to confirm that he is not,
in fact,
an actual sheep.
If he is,
and this cover is a self-portrait,
I would say typing out a whole book
on a typewriter with hooves
is an impressive feat.
Either way,
though,
the title worries me.
Fables and illustrated poems?
That seems like content for two books,
not one.

I have never found Punch and Judy amusing.

And with a marionette face like that,
can you blame me?
I do,
however,
love line ink drawings.
They're pretty impressive.

Books 361-365

2011-02-18T09:19:00.000-08:00

I officially don't like this whole
"writing on a schedule"
thing.
I think we're all just going to have to
get used to the idea
that I'm not good at it
and
I don't think I'm going to try to get better.
I totally skipped writing posts
on Monday
because I had the day off
and it was necessary for me
to spend that day
watching old episodes of Doctor Who
and working on a new dream catcher
for one of my grandmothers.
On the scale of
Important Things to Do,
grandmothers come first,
Doctor Who comes second,
and writing posts comes twenty-third.
That's just the way these things work.

I'm not sure what this first book is about.

But I'm willing to bet it's not as funny
as it thinks it is.
Those planets
(Are they planets? Or moons? Or what?)
look a little too close together.
They look like they're in danger
of crashing into each other.
Clearly this cover was not drawn to scale.

Mad is back.

I hope that doesn't make any of you mad.
See what I did there?
That wasn't funny.
That was
"I tried coconut water for lunch
and the potassium is going to my head."
Yes,
it is officially one of those days.

The best thing about this next book?
The roof on that building.

I've always loved those roofs,
but they don't exactly match
East Coast architecture.
Twenty points
to whoever can tell me the name
of that roof style.

I imagine this next book
is about a photographer
who never properly lights
his portrait subjects.

And so,
when he opens a kiosk in a mall,
he finds his services are unwanted,
because when soccer parents bring their
toddlers to get pictures taken
with ugly pastel backgrounds,
they actually like to be able to see their kids' faces.
The rest of the story follows
our nameless photographer's
harried efforts
searching Home Depot and various online websites
looking for affordable and appropriate
boom lighting to buy.
It's a real page turner.

Since I just got so into our last book,
it makes sense that I completely misread this last cover.

I read
Retail Therapy.
That would have been a good book
for our photographer character
to read while waiting for
his new lights to come through delivery.

Books 356-360

2011-02-18T08:51:00.000-08:00

This has been a bit of a breakdown week.
I've been
on-again/off-again
sick for the past few weeks
and
I think I pulled a muscle or sprained my ankle,
which is kind of annoying.
So I'm on antibiotics
and limping around my office
like a crazy person.

With all of that in mind,
this first book is rather fitting.

It's also my way of explaining to you
why there was no Wednesday post.
Everything
(and by everything, I mean me)
just stopped working
this week.
Even taking a sick day yesterday
couldn't encourage me to be productive.
Whatever.
These things happen.

My one comment on the book above,
by the way,
is I think the exclamation point
is on the wrong side
of the word "wrong."
That could just be me,
though.
I have just spent the past five minutes
pretending "buoim" is a real word.
Not because I didn't get the joke,
but because I'm that brain-dead.

Goodness,
somebody was clearly
uninspired by this next collection.

I wonder if the stories are as boring as the cover?

This next cover is another extreme.

It's so nice.
Because it's so nice,
I keep expecting those
sheep/bunny/rodent/random-animal-looking-things
to suddenly sprout fangs.
Clearly,
I have been influenced way too much by
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
and
that New Zealand sheep zombie movie.

I think there was some
miscommunication
with this next book.

The title is
How to Eat Like a Child,
but the cover art is
How to Eat a Child.
Talk about awkward.
And cannibalistic.

I'm not sure what is supposed to come to mind
with this next cover/title.

I think of the restaurant/bar
my friend NN took me to in D.C.
that goes by the same name,
but that's probably not what
Mr. Le Carré
is thinking about.
And,
as his last name sounds rather French,
he's probably not thinking
about vodka or borscht.

That's okay.
I'm going to visit NN this weekend
and we can talk
Russian and Ukrainian food
without Mr. Le Carré.

Books 351-355

2011-02-14T11:49:00.000-08:00

So,
I just noticed
that I put up the wrong book numbers
for the last post's title.
And none of you told me.
Seriously.
Why do you people read this blog?
I thought you were all here
to tell me when I missed a typo.
If it wasn't in your job description before,
it is now.

Today is a very
Woody Allen
post.

Naturally,
having seen his books in the last two posts,
we can only wonder
if he is getting even
for not having feathers.
(By the way,
Dad,
I loooooooved your comment about
Without Feathers
on the last post.
It made me laugh.
But why didn't you tell me
there was a typo
in the post title?)

Following
Getting Even,
we have Mr. Allen's play
Side Effects.

I'm not sure what type of side effects
Mr. Allen's play is about,
But I imagine it would be worrying
if it opened with a warning
from the Surgeon General.

I don't know about you,
but I don't think I ever had fun with Dick and Jane.

Honestly,
I don't think I'd want to,
either.
Mowing the grass
and
stereotypical gender roles
are not my idea
of a good time.

Now,
I know we're all so excited about this next book.

I like
Eading
as much as the next person,
but I generally prefer to
Ead
for fun,
not for
Rheloric.
(This is what happens when your
font and cover just don't work:
my commentary doesn't work.)

Honestly,
though.
Some of this stuff I just can't make up.

This is the third copy of this book.
And yes,
they're all on the same shelf.

I think I know which books we'll be
regifting and swapping out
over the next year.

Books 346-350

2011-02-09T12:52:00.001-08:00

I've never known what I think
about Peanuts.
It's a classic,
but I often find it a little depressing.

Look at poor Charlie Brown's face here.
How is everyone
on his side
if they're all yelling at him?
Yelling isn't very nice,
or supportive.

Mad,
on the other hand...
oh wait.
That's the start of a bad pun.

Scratch that.
Mad just keeps coming back.
It's like,
it wants to be our worst
repeat offender,
but it just doesn't want to commit.
That's why Mr. Trudeau is winning.

This next book
might be one of the
most depressing covers
I've seen in awhile.

I think it's the quote
that makes this so unappealing.
Ms. Ullman is writing about something.
Something about that
makes me think
she's broken the cardinal
"show, don't tell"
rule of writing.
I think that might be why
I don't feel strongly inclined
to read this one.
Either that,
or I just don't like the title font.
Yeah,
I think it's actually the font.

This next book is all kinds of disturbing.

I'm pretty sure the cover artist
was on something serious
when s/he drew this.
Also,
if they're "illustrated lyrics"
does that mean they're
rebus pictures
set to a score?
That might make singing difficult.

Oh!
Speaking of repeat offenders:

Look familiar?
I wonder if Mr. Allen
ever followed up with a sequel
titled
With Feathers.

Books 341-345

2011-02-07T11:58:00.000-08:00

Welcome to a very special,

very short
edition of
Books on My Parents' Shelves.

Today we're going to play
a quick game.

Ready?
Okay.

Which one of these books is not like the others?

The correct answer is
Book No. Three,
Don't Ever Change, Boopsie.
Book No. Three
is the only book
who's title contains punctuation.

Other acceptable answers
would have included
the lack of the color red on the cover of
Book No. Five
or the lack of the letter "i" in the title of
Book No. One.

Books 336-340

2011-02-02T13:39:00.001-08:00

Hello, hello.
I'm actually writing this post early
because of logistics.
(Logistics being I do not think
I will not be around
the Almighty Internet
on Friday.)

I remember reading
Fantastic Voyage
when I was in middle school.
I liked it,
but I didn't quite get it.
That happened every so often.
I had a habit of reading ahead of myself.

This is a pretty strange cover,
all things considered.
It looks like the eye is crying people
(which could have very well happened,
and I just don't remember it).
I am pretty sure
they had a ship,
though.
And that they were shrunk down
to much smaller than that.
Honestly,
those people are waaaay too big
to fit in a blood vessel.
(Ooh, potential pun there!)

I am naturally tempted
to ramble about staircases
not being single-direction devices
like escalators are.
But..

I can't.
Something about this cover
makes me imagine
that the main character
is so distraught
that her students don't realize
that escalators are really just stairs in disguise
that she goes and invents
the elevator.
And then they all realize
that the whole ordeal
was really pointless
because their school only has
one story,
and so they wasted a whole school day
stressing about vertical issues
when it's not even going to be on the test.

I can see now why this was an instant classic.
(Which is also one of the dumbest phrases ever.)

Ms. Tyler has returned for the day
with an incredibly lackluster cover.

Whoever this woman on the cover is,
she doesn't appear to be searching
for Caleb
very hard.
Even though I haven't read much
of Ms. Tyler's work,
I respect her for
the powerful literary influence she is.
Sadly,
this cover feels like a Lifetime movie.

Oh!
Speaking of respecting authors,
I'm sure everyone loves
Mr. Robert Louis Stevenson.
(Another repeat offender!)

After all,
once you're in Project Gutenberg
no one can say anything about you.
(Personally,
I don't have strong feelings
one way or another
but I know a good few of you out there
might have some choice words to say!)

And finally,
to close off the day's books,
we have yet another repeat offender.

That is probably one of the most
disturbing faces
I've ever seen
faux-cross-stitched
into a book cover.
I'm sure Mad is very proud of itself,
as well it should be.

Until next time.

Books 331-335

2011-02-02T13:38:00.000-08:00

Today's post is going to be a fast post.
Today is ridiculously busy.
And by ridiculously,
I mean
oh-my-goodness-I think-this-stress-might-kill-me busy.

Okay,
there's something incredibly creepy
about this first book.

I'm not sure what it is,
romance books tend to creep me out in general,
but something's telling me
it's the embossed font
that is making me want to glance over my shoulder
just to makes sure it's safe.

Someone did not pass geography.

Either that,
or maybe he was hoping
Mr. Terry Prachett
might call him up
to talk about collaborating on a
Discworld spin-off.
(Which is a horrible idea.
Don't do it, Mr. Prachett!)

Catch-22.

No,
seriously.
That's this next book.
And I have nothing to say about it.
It looks like someone
used it as a coaster once.
Maybe for milk?
Or bleach?
Yum,
a nice cup of bleach
is how I always start my day.
No,
not really.

This next one's called
Telefon.

Somehow I'm more interested in
the doodles.
Is that a bridge?
Or a really bad Anime eyebrow?
I didn't read the paragraph,
(fast post, remember)
but what was that about a Russian
James Bond
or something?
Weird.

Ooh,
this is the book that I
repeatedly
never finished reading.

Clearly,
I am not going to finish reading
anything today.
Oh well.
Can you grok it?

Books 326-330

2011-01-31T09:22:00.000-08:00

Last post we had a
really long intro.
Let's not do that today.
I'm tired.

Here's a trick I like to do.
Look at a cover,
see what the cover artist
and the author wanted you to see.
Then decide to see something different.

That red dot above the butterfly?
That's actually a clown nose.
Take it how you want to.

I don't remember the last time
I saw a book call a movie a
"bold motion picture."
It must not have been very major.

Let's talk about about men's airbrushing
for a minute.
If this book had been released today
that guy's shoulders would have been
twice the size
they are on this cover.
He also would probably have
a missile strapped to his back,
because you know at some point in the story
he'd need to use that
as a jet pack
or something.

This is turning into a very violent post.
Quick,
go back and look at that
clown nose again.
It'll calm things down a bit.

I'm trying to figure out
what is in the smoke to the
left of the guy's face.
Maybe it's the previous
Book Guy's invisible missile.
Seriously, though.
I don't like trying to make jokes about war.
Can we have some nicer books now,
please?

This next,
poor cover-less book
is called
Tinker, Tailor, Solider, Spy.

According to all of the quotes,
it's a great read.
I wonder if there are any books out there
that claim to be horrible reads.
Besides Lemony Snicket,
that is.

Gosh,
I know this is probably
some intense thriller.

But all I can imagine is some
gruesome retelling of
The Little Mermaid.

One of my uncles took my older sister
and me
to see Disney's
The Little Mermaid
when we were kids.
When he called our parents
to offer to take us
our dad told us our uncle had invited us to go see
Redneck Zombies.
If I remember correctly,
that didn't go over well
with my sister and me.
You'd think we'd be used to
that sort of humor
by then.

That story has nothing to do with the last book cover.
Oh, well.

Books 321-325

2011-01-26T12:32:00.001-08:00

So,
after a few conversations and comments recently,
I decided I might need to
restate the intentions of this blog
(not that I ever stated them in the first place).

If you're new here
or you've just been floundering around
wondering what all of this is about:
Hi.
I'm SM.
Books On My Parents' Shelves
is pretty much exactly
what it looks like.

I scan covers of books
that are on my parents' book shelves.
Then I post them here,
often with silly or random comments.

I don't read them.
Honestly,
there isn't time.
And it is fun
to just judge a book by it's cover
sometimes.

I'm not a fan of rude
or mean humor
so I generally try to avoid that.
I try to be polite
to the authors and the cover artists
I will probably never meet
without getting too dull.
I even try to be polite
when I don't like a cover.
There's a lot of stuff I don't say
because I know it would Not Be Nice.
And I like nice.

It's pretty simple.
This is all just humor
and a possible cataloging system for my parents.
I work for a library.
I have nothing against books.
They're pretty awesome.

So,
with all of that established,
let's judge some books by their covers,
okay?
I'll try to keep things quiet today.
Maybe that will help.

Let's start simple.

Mountaineering is dangerous stuff.

I didn't know Ms. MacLaine was into it.
The title is very promising.
I'm sure this book is full of useful advice,
like:
"Don't get too close when you
poke the body to make sure its dead,
that's how the zombies get you."
(This is all irony,
of course.
I'm pretty sure this book is an autobiography.
Although,
maybe Ms. MacLaine has run into
some zombies
in real life,
as well as mountains,
so she might have some useful advice on these subjects.)

This next author
seems to like stories about dreams.

I like dreams about books.
I'd bet we'd get along.
Maybe we could hang out.
But,
I would probably ask her
to leave her cover artist at home.
S/he seems a little sketchy.

I think I saw the movie
Hannibal.
Can't remember.

There is something mildly disappointing
about a character named Hannibal
who doesn't have roving hoards
traipsing around after him.
It's like reading a book called
Genghis
and realizing it's an auto-correct typo
that no one caught
and the book is really about gangrene.

I find it oddly amusing
that this next book,
Skinny Island,
only cost 99¢.

Of course,
it makes a little more sense
when you realize the author also wrote a book
called
Diary of a Yuppie.
It's ironic.
On purpose.

I have a question
for all the readers
who happen to chop cords of wood
when they're not reading this blog
(of which,
I'm sure,
there are zero).

Do axes whisper?
They don't seem like quiet tools to me.
I would be more inclined to believe
and read
a book called
The Loud Thud of the Axe.
That sounds much more realistic.

Oh!
Also,
in other news,
I (finally) made a Facebook page for
Books On My Parents' Shelves.
You can like it on Facebook
or you can click the button to your right
(it's a little higher up on the page).
You can do that,
that is,
if you actually like this blog.

Books 316-320

2011-01-26T10:22:00.000-08:00

I try to be a friendly writer/blogger
and write different things
for my different projects.
So,
since I've already vented
about the horrible weather
over in my latest
cactus garden post,
I'll do my best not to here.
See?
I'm thoughtful.

You know who isn't thoughtful?
Probably Mr. McGinniss.
I haven't asked his characters
what they think of him yet,
but look at the titles of his books:

Cruel Doubt
and
Fatal Vision.
With titles like those,
you know a few fictional characters
are going to get bumped off.
Some probably get the ax pretty early on, too.
And you just know someone
in his first book
went blind.
That sucks.

Look!
It's a French book!
And it isn't by Larousse!

Someone went watercolor happy there.
So happy,
they forgot to make the cover art
have anything to do with the title.
Maybe all of the French review questions
are about bridges
and bridges that get rained on.
Who knows?
I didn't open the book.

For some reason
when I scanned this next journal/memo book
I scanned an inside page
along with it.

I have no clue who's book this was.
The handwriting reminds me a bit
of my grandmother's.
But not really.

I'm good at being wrong,
though.
Maybe someone in my family
could tell us
why any of this might be important?
I have no ideas.

It's winter.
And things are bound to get depressing.
We know that.
But really.

Mr. Kavanaugh is taking
depressing
to a whole new level.
At least it's not a coffee table book.
And at least it doesn't include pictures.
That little penguin
in the upper right corner
is good for some things.
Luckily,
pictures aren't one of those things.

Somehow,
though,
looking at that previous cover
makes this next cover
also feel depressing.

I imagine
Mr. Untermeyer's poem
is about someone's last day on earth
before s/he dies.
Of course there are lots of flowers
and little children gather around the death bed,
because little children symbolize hope,
you know.
And then the person dies
and the children go off
and do a large circle dance.
It's all very morbid
and maybe mildly Scandinavian.

Goodness.
Tell me again why you people
like to read my ramblings?
That was just ridiculous.

I bet I'm right,
though.

Books 311-315

2011-01-24T10:17:00.001-08:00

Hello, hello.
Today should hopefully be a better day.
I've been all kinds of productive
and there's this thing called
"lunch"
that should be happening soon.

Not that I'm big on poetry,
but of the poets I've read
Emily Dickinson
is probably one of my favorites.

I memorized one of her poems
way back in middle school
or early high school.
Can't remember which,
though I still remember most of the poem.
It was the one that starts:
Because I could not stop for Death
He kindly stopped for me.
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.
The punctuation there is probably all wrong
since I didn't look it up.
It's all good, though.

This next book has one of those rare covers
that really feels like it matches the title.

I could totally imagine the author
drawing this cover
in between drafts,
though I doubt the cover art is actually his.
And clearly,
I was too lazy to
check these sorts of things
when I scanned the book.

Oooh!
Kitties!

Well,
cats.
But still!
Cats!
I'd like to go home to see my cat.
But sadly,
I have things to do first.
Like get lunch.
And finish this post.

This boring cover I think I mislabeled in my notes.

I think the title is supposed to be
Volume 2 The World of Mathematics
but for some reason I have
Volume 2 The World of Methematics.
That certainly gives this
Textbook Taking Up Space
a whole new meaning.

This last book is a great example
of a terrible cover
working against a perfectly good title.

Besides the ridiculous font style and size,
look at those horrifying colors.
It's "ewww" personified.
I like geographic features and stories about them
as much as the next person
who wanted to be an explorer when they were a child.
But when I see this cover,
I don't think:
Mitla Pass: A Novel.
I think:
Mitla Pass: A Boring.

And that just makes me sad.

Okay,
lunch!

Books 306-310

2011-01-21T11:40:00.000-08:00

This post can go one of two ways.
It could be massively funny,
full of ridiculous phrases and zingers.
(Yes, that's right
zingers.)
Or it could just be meh
(to quote my younger sister,
who says meh quite frequently;
I'm just trying it out for the day).

I'm in a ridiculously grumpy mood today
which is giving me a migraine
(my fourth migraine in four days,
to be exact)
and all I want to do is go home
and go back to bed.
In other words,
I'm betting on "meh."
Sorry.

So.
With that in mind.
I'm pretty sure I do know the answer
to this first cover.

The answer is
"take twice as many classes,"
right?

As for this next book...

I'm pretty sure we owe children
proper facial features.
Not weird amoeba growths.
We owe the child on the cover
a trip to the E.R.
and maybe a good plastic surgeon.

This is where things are going to get meh.

I'm just too tired and migraine-y
to think of anything to say about this one.
Please,
feel free to insert your own thoughts
in the comments section below.
Meh.

I had a weird moment
looking at this next one
trying to figure out
what on earth
was on the bottom of the cover.

Then I realized that was part of the scanned image.
It's part of a bookmark
or something twine
in the book.

Insert twine joke here.
Wait no,
that could be bad.

The pattern on the book is kind of
miserable to look at
on the computer screen.
Meh.

If you read this last book in Rebus pictures,
the title is really
Sounds & Silences & Poorly Digitalized Trees.

I'd like to see them fit all of that
onto a beer cap.

Notice there's no poetry for later.

Meh.

Books 301-305

2011-01-19T11:41:00.000-08:00

I'm going to try an experiment today
with our first book.

This experiment may involve a bit of scrolling.

You see,
before you see our first cover,
I want to tell you the title.

And then I want you to
imagine
what the cover looks like.

If you have issues with scrolling
(TH!),
I'm sorry.

So.

The book's title

is

Spider Cat.

Think about that for a minute.

Are you imagining the cover?

Think about that cover for another minute.

And for another minute.

This isn't a card trick or anything.

I'm just ensuring scrolling.

Okay.

Here's the book cover:

Who else is massively disappointed by this picture?
I know I am.
Something called
Spider Cat
should have a deranged mutant on the cover.
Like a spider with a cat's head.
Or a cat with spider eyes
walking on a web.
There could could even be a Fly Dog
stuck in the web.
That would be a cover I'd like to see.

In other news,
one thing you never want printed
on the cover of your book
is this quote:

Deb'y Gaj has done Mr. Mahaffey a great disfavor.
You just know everyone who reads his poetry now
is going to have ridiculously
high standards for him.
Sheer perfection?
Eh. It was sheer.
There was some perfect.
I dunno about any sheer perfection.

Ms. Deb'y Gaj has also done apostrophes a great disfavor.
They know they don't belong in her name there.

If you can't name all of the reasons
why I love this next book,
you clearly haven't been keeping up with things around here.

T.S. Eliot.
Mr. Edward Gorey.
Cats with top hats and canes.
It's a trifecta of awesome.

Let's take a look at this next cover.

I'll admit,
I appreciate a lot of
e e cumming's work.
However,
for someone who doesn't use punctuation
that cover looks like a series of
periods,
colons,
and exclamation points.
That's a risk you run
with random overlapping shapes.

How strung out do the babies on this last cover look?

The answer to that question is:
very.
I am digging the baby mohawk,
though.
I know they only used two babies for this cover,
but really?
Why so homogenous?

Books 296-300

2011-01-14T11:42:00.000-08:00

Goodness,
look where we are.
It's time for another count-up.

It's the three hundredth book post.

And we haven't even gotten through
two whole bookshelves yet.
If you were worrying about how long
this blog could keep going,
you need not worry any more.
It seems I will be
judging books by their covers
for many,
many,
many years to come.
Or,
at least for as long as
I have Internet access.

With that in mind,
let's start counting.

Book 296
Is not really a book.

It's a series of prints.
It's also too big for the scanner.
That's why we only have part of the image.
If I ever have kids
I am going to wallpaper a closet
in wallpaper
that has M.C. Escher's stairs picture
(you know, the one that's all discombobulated)
on it.
And that will be my
"time out"
corner.
See if those kids ever misbehave again.

(That said,
now that I've shared this,
I'll probably never be allowed to have kids.)

Book 297
Like Book 296,
Book 297 is also not really a book.
And it's also too big for the scanner.

It's a collection of
Edward Gorey
posters.
I love Mr. Gorey's work.
One year,
my older sister,
ANM,
and I want to have an
Edward Gorey-themed
Halloween party.
We already have the invites designed.
They're around somewhere.

This not-really-a-book
ends
the third shelf of the second bookcase.

Book 298
Want to know something I like to do sometimes?
I like to imagine the author's name
and the book title
switched.

This book is actually called
James Patterson.
And it was written by a
Mr. Pop Goes the (or "da," if you're writing his name in Italian) Weasel.
Here Mr. Da Weasel has branched out
from his normal genre,
annoying children's lyrics,
into what looks to be
boring real estate drama.

Book 299
Honestly,
I'm not a big fan of cover art that makes you guess.
Which first deadly sin
are we talking about here exactly?

The one that says
never make a hammer head
that looks like a lobster's claw?
Or is it the one that says
don't keep rose petals in your wallet
because they'll get stuck to your I.D. cards?
Please be more specific!
Inquiring minds and all that!

And finally.
It's time.
Book 100 was a bit of a disappointment.
Book 200 was awesome.

And so.

Naturally.

Book 300

Is about Japanese grammar.

I'm sure we all saw that one coming.

Books 291-295

2011-01-12T12:09:00.000-08:00

This is a post of
Books That Are Too Big for My Scanner.
Hidden in the middle
of these
Rated G
books,
there is a book that is
Not Rated G.
If you are younger than
Age Corrupted-Already,
you might want to skip this post.
Or whatever.

Really, this is a post of atlases.
First, we have National Geographic.

We don't often get to see
North America
looking like it's about to fall off the top of the globe.
It's nice to get a change in perspective,
though I worry what that teaches
young explorers.

Next,
we have Rand McNally

I'm sure the people at
Rand McNally
think this atlas falls into a
totally different
atlas category
because it's an Atlas of Nations,
not an
Atlas of North America Falling Off the Globe.
I think it's really an
Atlas of Nations With the Color Red On Their Flag.
There is a lot of red there.

Ooh,
here we have the
Not Rated G book.

Go figure it was written by Mr. Idle.
KEB will be disappointed by the tag line.
Personally,
I think sharks would do well
in a book like this.

Speaking of sharks,
who else loved the
Dr. Who Christmas special this year?
I know I did.
Okay,
end of that non sequitur.

Rand McNally has a second
World Atlas
to share with us today.

I'm not sure what the color
camel
has to do with a family atlas edition.

Clearly,
maroonish-red
is the natural color of our planet.

Or,
at least,
the Encyclopedia Britannica
imagines it is.

On that note,
this ends
today's post of
Books on My Parents' Shelves:
Atlas Edition.

Books 286-290, Guest Post

2011-01-10T06:28:00.001-08:00

This post is the second of two guest posts
written in celebration of
Books on My Parents' Shelves
one year anniversary.
This post was written by my older sister,
ANM.
— SM

So, when I was asked to do this, I thought I'd actually get books to look at. I'm sure when you clicked on the link, you had the same expectation. Sorry to disappoint you. Nothing I can do about it. We'll have to muddle through as best as we can.

I like fonts. They make things look so much better. In fact, right now I'm writing this in Britannic Bold to make it feel important, although I'm thinking about switching it to Lucida Blackletter, which seems more regal; but by the time it gets to you, it'll probably be something boring, like Arial, which just takes all the fun out of everything. No pizzazz.

So, I'm behind the concept of type, in general. Just not sure why they called themselves EyeWire. That sounds ...painful.

This next one reminds me of high school art, where we made plaster masks of our faces.

You had to put Vaseline on absolutely everything that was getting covered in the plaster, or else you'd end up pulling out your hair too. Which hurt. Doesn't look like this person did such a good job with her hair. Just saying.

Hmmm, look another magazine!

I'm not sure what riding a computer into deep space has to do with minding your business, but it does look like fun. I'm not sure I could turn down that trip, personally. Although I would prefer to have some oxygen. And maybe some protective clothing. Possibly even something to keep me from frying as I left the earth's atmosphere.

On second thought, that trip isn't so tempting.

Oh look, this time it's not a magazine! And it's not a book! It's better than both of those things. It's a MAP!

That's right. A map of Japan. I've never been to Japan, but I know many people who have been. They say it's nice. There's a temple there that lets deer roam free. They are protected for some awesome reason that I can't remember, so now tourists go visit, have picnics, and feed the deer, who are tame. I do that all the time too, but in the quad outside of work instead of in Japan, and instead of feeding deer, I feed the squirrels who come and steal food.

And (drumroll please!) the final "not really a book" in the post: a Mayor's Citation to my dad.

Please notice that this only says "One Act Play Award Winner," so I'm not really sure which play this is for. My guess, from the date, is it's for "The Men's Room" which was very funny. It may have been for "Mr. Mahler Finds a Dollar," which is about the richest man in the world finding a dollar on the street. It was also very funny.

So, yeah. A Mayor's Citation. Go Dad!

So I guess that's it. If I haven't botched this too badly, maybe I'll get another chance. And next time, maybe I'll be upgraded to real books.

Books 281-285, Not a Guest Post

2011-01-09T12:44:00.000-08:00

Something Wonderful is today.

It's the one year anniversary
of a day that I got
very,
very,
very bored.
On this day,
one year ago
I started scanning
the books on my parents' shelves
and posting them here.

The first post was very bland.
I didn't really say much.
But I didn't really know what I was doing
or why I was doing it.
Things are very different here now.
We've met many different authors
— some enjoyed their moment in the spotlight so much
they came back in other posts
as repeat offenders.
We've seen some of the most amazing
— and by amazing, I mean scary —
cover art linked to books about linguistics.
And we've observed some of the most horrendous
amputations, deformities, and decapitations
known to abstract drawing and photo cropping.

Looking back on all of those
almost-300-but-not-quite-that-many-because-I-was-lazy-and-didn't-post-much-last-month-covers,
today's five books are very fitting.

We have our awkward language book,
complete with some bizarre design
that doesn't really mean anything
or have anything to do with the contents of the book
(probably).

Then we have some fiction,
with a title that makes me think
of what would happen if
Google Maps and Google Translator
got together and decided to mess
with some poor person's road trip.
Turn left at 6:30 pm.
Drive four blocks to half past after.
You'd never get anywhere with instructions like that.
At least not on time.

This book ends the second shelf
on the second bookcase.

Then there's the brightly colored,
mildly awkward,
but still nostalgic book
that makes us wonder
where we can buy our own
brightly colored,
tasseled,
gay pride support marching band outfits.

We have the cover that is just a cover.
The book is missing,
but the jacket sleeve is still on the shelf.
And if it's on the shelf,
it's fair game,
so we get to look at the pretty picture
and I get to reminisce fondly
about my childhood
and mention how I hated puffy sleeves
while you get irritated and skip down to the last book
to see what nonsense I might say about that.

And of course,
our last book is about Jews.
In America.
And other places.
But mostly probably America.

Luckily,
it seems to be in English,
not Yiddish.
So if you'd like to borrow it,
just let me know.
I'm pretty sure I could find it again on the shelf.
Maybe.

To help celebrate
this Something Wonderful day
I asked both of my sisters to write guest posts
about the books on their parents' shelves.
It helped that we have matching parents
so I was able to provide them with the scans.
My younger sister,
ASM,
posted yesterday.
If you haven't read her post yet,
you still can.
I don't take these things down,
you know.
My older sister,
ANM,
will have a guest post up tomorrow.
In the meanwhile,
I'm going to go not-scan-books,
because that's something you do when you're
really,
really,
really bored,
and today is not a boring day.
It's a happy day.

Happy Books Blog Day,
everyone!

Books 276-280, Guest Post

2011-01-08T06:11:00.000-08:00

Hello blissful blog buffs! I’m here to derail your schedule, or, if I’m not exaggerating, make you blink in confusion for a second or two before you realize that I am not SM and this is, in fact, a guest post. SM may even join you in this reaction, and hopefully will not follow up on that reaction in any way.

And, in the spirit of this guest post, we start things off with a repeat offender!

Mr. Gardner returns with his book October Light. I am pleased with the illustrator’s restraint in terms of resisting normal autumn themes here, such as trees, rakes, school buses, and ghouls. He conveys the season solely through the look of abject depression on the man’s face.

Mr. Gardner has decided to stick around today, and that leads us to Mickelsson’s Ghosts. While the title may have gotten me to read it by appealing to my love of unusual, but easy-to-pronounce names, the cover picture puts me off way too much. It looks like a Cabbage Patch Doll who has just met a Medusa, and you just know that they’re going to want you to root for the Cabbage Patch Doll.

This next book looks like an aged photo album that will be full of people I don’t recognize and very poorly labeled. The only thing this cover has going for it is that Marguerite de Angeli is a pretty cool name. Also, did anyone else start imagining a scenario in which we petition to change the spelling of “America”?

I’m fairly certain that the people on the cover of Happy Times in Finland are marionettes. Notice how their arms stick out, and the awkward angle of their feet. And if not that, the matching clothes are a dead giveaway. While I do not immediately think marionettes when I think Finland, since it is on a cover of a book, there must be a booming puppet industry over there.

And hey, we have both Finland and Amerika in this post. This makes it the nationalism entry!

We say goodbye as we said hello – with a repeat offender. Mr. Trudeau makes an appearance with a television show that will haunt my nightmares. You just know that thing is capable of murder.

SM, before you say anything, I just wanted to let you know that this was Phebe’s idea. Maybe I shouldn’t have listened to her after she’d eaten that many cat treats, but it’s too late now. As for you, readers, this has been Books on My Parent’s Shelves as hijacked by Ariana Morrow.
Thank you for joining me.

Before you ask,
ASM is my younger sister,
so technically
"Books on My Parents' Shelves"
counts for her, too.
You can read more of her writing here.

This is the first of two guest posts
in celebration
of something wonderful that is tomorrow.
Check back tomorrow
and Monday
for more awesomeness.

Happy Weekend!
— SM

Books 271-275

2011-01-06T07:01:00.000-08:00

Remember all those times
I've started posts
commenting on how awkward
a cover was?

Well,
I was wrong.
So very, very wrong.

This is awkward.

You try doing it with someone
while you're both doing handstands,
in a cave,
and tell me it's not awkward.
That is officially the new definition of awkward.

Ms. Colette is back,
with another elegant cover.

I wish my life was made up of line ink drawings.
I have a feeling I would spend a lot more time
sitting in cafés,
staring moodily out of windows
at the rain.
I would also have a Victorian umbrella
leaning against my chair.
I believe those are a
prerequisite
for staring out of windows at the rain.

I have two big questions about this next cover.

One:
Where are the trees?
Those all look like vines and random foliage to me.
Two:
What type of beans are they?
(The follow up question to this is:
Do jumping beans come from jumping trees?
If so,
that sounds dangerous.)

Take a good look at
Mr. Anderson's book.

Now tell me,
is that a fried egg hanging off of that tree?
This does seem to be a day of many questions.

Our last book is a double repeat offender,
even though you can't tell it from the cover.

It's Nickel Mountain again.
Mr. Gardner seems to be racking up the posts here.
I think he's going to give Mr. Trudeau
a run for his money.
What do you think?

Books 266-270

2011-01-04T06:59:00.000-08:00

Last month got away from me.
I think that was the most
ridiculously light
posting ever on this blog.
I hope you don't feel too deprived.
We're back now,
and there's some exciting stuff going on.

Mr. Gardner has returned
with slightly less inspiring cover art.

That's okay, though.
Everyone has off days.
Or months.
Some how I'm guessing this book of his
isn't about money.
For one thing,
there's no sign at all of President Jefferson.
Plus the mountain bit seems to imply mining or something.
My powers of observation are as astute as ever.

I got smart with these next two books.
I had forgotten to write down their authors,
so I looked them up on Amazon.
It's amazing how much more crafty I am
after two cups of coffee.

Apparently,
The Camerons
is about Scottish heritage
and coal mining or something
(at least, that's what the comments on Amazon say),
so we have a mining theme today!
Okay,
I guess that's not very exciting.
Oh well.

This next book is called
A Many Splendored Thing,
which I think is an awesome title.

Sadly,
there's not much to look at on the cover here.
It seems the story has something to do with tuberculosis,
though,
so I guess we can give this cover a break.
I have a feeling a picture of tuberculosis
might hurt sales.

There are an impressive number of books
with the same title as this next one.
It makes me worry that authors are getting lazy.

I am,
however,
enthralled with this man's suit.
Three-fourths pink and one-fourth blue?
Where does one buy a suit like that?!!

This next book is clearly about
a giant trying to get a lift
in a desert by casting his shadow over passers-by
in hopes that they might notice him
and his plight.

I wonder how long it takes him to realize the sad truth:
he will never be able to fit in that car.

Books 261-265

2010-12-14T06:04:00.000-08:00

Oh my.

Look at that face:

I think I'm going to nominate that face for
"Most Amazing Expression of All Time."
That's just priceless.

As for this book...

Well,
that's just kind of depressing.
I hope the comics inside are a little less bleak.
Check out the tag line:
"Cartoons that
'... cause folk to snort,
twitch,
and make strange noises.
but these are noises of joy.'"
....
Really?
How do they know?
What if someone reading this had an epileptic fit?
Or was a drug addict?
Those are some pretty disturbing claims
when you think about it.

Imagine this next cover
devoid of any mention of cigarettes or smoking.

Gives a totally different message then,
doesn't it?
"I quit school...!"
"I quit my job...!"
"I quit the game with twenty seconds on the clock...!"
"AWESOME!"
Remember, kids,
quitting is cool and it totally frees up your evenings.

We have a new repeat offender contender.

Mr. John Gardner
joins us with some pretty bad ass covers.
I've never read his stuff,
but his covers are interesting enough
I think I'd be willing to crack one open.

The side of this last cover has a crazy monster face on it.
Too bad for you
I only scan book covers.

I can't imagine a blog titled
"Sides of the Books on My Parents' Shelves"
going over too well.
You're not missing much.

Books 256-260

2010-12-02T06:13:00.001-08:00

I'm feeling a little lackluster today,
so I can't promise I'll be very entertaining.

That said,

this is a pretty awkward cover.
It would probably be fine,
if not for the random building
stamped across those poor boys' heads.

Charlie Brown could probably identify with
my vagueness today.

See?
That expression says it all.

My family has a lot of Firesign Theatre's records.
I remember listening to a few when I was younger.
They were pretty funny.

I'm not sure I get the humor in
a man and a rat
switching shadows.
Clearly,
I am uncultured.

I also don't get what's nasty about this book.
Or knowledge.

But Monty Python put their seal of approval on the cover,
so clearly it's money well spent.

This last book sort of horrifies me,
even though it's also by
Michael Palin and Terry Jones.

Something about the phrase
"ripping yarns"
just sounds wrong.
Plus,
that monster is clearly knitting,
not ripping.

Books 251-255

2010-11-23T06:08:00.001-08:00

Oh my.

Okay.

SO.

This first cover.

Yeah.

That picture is me.

No,
I don't have weird growths
coming out of my back normally.
This is the cover
from one of the issues
of the literary magazine
my mother publishes.
I totally forgot she used that picture.

Quick plug,
just because I can:
go here to find out more about Scribble.
Because it's awesome.

Moving on.

Can I just say how much
I miss
Calvin and Hobbes?

Not many comics these days
rise to the same level of quality.
Plus, a lot of comics these days are just flat out lame.
Just saying.

The mystery of the Obis folders has been solved.

They were experiments
or something
to do with kids
from when my dad
worked at the Smithsonian.
There was more to it than that,
but I don't really remember.
It was late when we talked,
and I was tired.

I remember flipping through
the Pogo books as a kid.

But I was too young to understand them.
Check out who wrote the intro,
though.

I think Mr. Trudeau might be stalking this blog
through books.

Finally:

Oh, I miss Bloom County.
So much.
I think we need to have a moment for this comic
and Calvin and Hobbes.

Let's all bow our heads
and pray
that the good comics of days gone by
come back
and tackle the living whatsits
out of all the unfunny comics.

You know who I'm talking about.
Marmaduke.
Family Circus.
Mary Worth.

HOLY CAPS LOCK,
how are these annoying cartoons still around?!

Books 246-250

2010-11-18T08:46:00.000-08:00

Seeing as we have one more magazine cover
to start our post off with today
I figured I'd write a couple more headlines.
Hopefully you don't mind me
testing out my Onion Newsish writing skills.

One-armed, one-legged man hover awkwardly over naked women.

Replace your hand with a bar code to speed up shopping and online dating.

Man misses memo; shows up late to nude photo shoot clothed.

I know, I know.
These aren't as good as the last post's headlines.
But look at that cover.
It's boring.
And it's awkward.
There's really not much you can do with it.

Let's forget it ever existed
and move onto something more awkward.

Yes.
More awkward is possible.

Look how freaking creepy that jester dude is.
What is it about game book covers that
often ends up being
awkward,
creepy,
boring looking,
or,
in this case,
all of the above?
I'm going to have to rethink my opinion
of Mr. Shortz
after this.
As for his cover design artist...
no respect.
None.
Ignoring the scary jester,
wtf is up with the random orange circle over the title??!!!

I will admit
I never really got into Saturday Night Live.
I've watched a few clips here and there,
but that's about it.

So,
honestly,
I don't have much to say about this one.
Feel free to discuss among yourselves.

Mr. Trudeau returns.

I think he might currently be our worse repeat offender.
Normally I love his covers and his titles.
This one feels dull.
Maybe he threw it together on an off day.

We end the day with a folder.

I have no clue what this is for.
But it's there on the shelf
so its here in this post.
That's how we do things around here.

On a side note,
I'm not sure why,
but Square Space
seems to be having some difficulties this morning
and the
in the cactus garden
site is down.
Hopefully it'll be back up and running soon,
but until then
I guess things will just be a bit quieter around here.

Books 241-245

2010-11-12T07:58:00.000-08:00

This first title feels incomplete to me.
It sounds like a fragment sentence.
I have a horrible urge to try to complete it...

How to Do Everything Right... handed.
How to Do Everything Right... except cover design.
How to Do Everything Right... and in awkward bold and italic fonts.

Notice it's not followed by a book titled
How to Do Everything Wrong.

Ahem.
Moving on.
I came across some problems with this post.
Somehow I didn't label the scans properly
and there was no information about this next cover.

And while it looks like
one of my family's copies of
The Complete Works of Shakespeare
I think it's actually a blank journal
or something boring like that.
However,
I can't check that right now.
If I'm right or wrong
I'll let you know.
Or not.
I tend to forget these things.
Whatever.

Next we have a boring study guide!

It's been a while since we've had something like this.
If you look closely,
that boy's torso is growing out of a keyboard.
Awkward.

Our last two covers aren't actually books.
They're magazines.
And since I secretly wish I could work for
The Onion News
I'll just give you my own captions,
because they're much more interesting than anything else I could think of to say.

Is your hedge plotting to kill you? Woman investigates by getting too close.

The surprising dos and don'ts of dry cleaning:
Why you shouldn't wear a fancy dress if you're planning on rolling around in the dirt.

Woman holds pose for hours in dumb photo shoot - feet fall asleep.

What doctors don't want you to know about accidentally gluing your hand to your cheek.

Woman airbrushed within an inch of her life
- and her remarkable recovery after the photo shoot!

Books 236-240

2010-11-08T12:15:00.001-08:00

Hello, hello.
It's a new month,
and it's a new post,
and so there are new books.
Things just keep moving on around here,
don't they?

As for our first book,
this cover is about half right.

That's kind of crimson,
but not really.
The roses seem to be a bit lacking,
though.
Lacking,
as in
"non-existent."

This next book is titled
The Works of "Saki."
I'm not sure why
Saki
is in quotation marks.
But there you go.

Just look at that bright blue.
It's almost mesmerizing.
Especially since that imprint on the bottom
doesn't really look like anything.
Oh, wait.
That's a stain.
Never mind.

Mr. Dickens has joined us
with a couple books.
And because I can see the future
(i.e. I've already scanned some more of his books for future posts),
I can assure you he will return
with some of his more popular books.

In the meantime,
check out that skirt.
I think the circles look like eyeballs,
but that may be just me.

Mr. Dickens' second book today
might not look very exciting.

But it is.
Because it marks the end
of the first shelf
of the second bookcase.
Has it seemed like an incredibly long time since we started this shelf?
It should.
This shelf had two rows of books.
It's an impressive way to save space,
but it makes it really difficult to find books you want to read,
let alone scan.

Our final book of the day
is a magazine
and I don't even remember scanning it.

Well,
here it is.
I'm mildly amused.
Perhaps I can't remember scanning it
because I will never be able to reproduce the results...

Nope.
I'm pretty sure I just didn't pay attention.

Books 231-235

2010-10-31T11:23:00.000-07:00

Okay,
breathe easy.
I scanned more books.
We're good.

Ms. Tyler is back
with another novel.

Is it just me,
or does that table look more like
a regular kitchen table
than a restaurant table?
I have a keen, discerning eye
for these type of details -
silly, unimportant details,
that is.

Ms. Willa Cather
has decided to join the
repeat offender author ranks.

I really want there to be
a comma
or an apostrophe
next to that
"O."
I'm a traditionalist like that.

I am noticing a theme
with Ms. Cather's books.

They are about women in fields
carrying stuff.
I'm sure it was very edgy material
for its time.

I've heard of,
but never read,
A Room with a View.

I wonder if the View in question
is the one on the cover above.
Personally,
I would prefer a more beach-y View.
But that's just me.

I'm sure many of you out there
have read our final book.
Or, if not this one,
Tom Sawyer.

So think fast,
everyone,
what's your favorite
Mark Twain Moment?
I personally love the frog short story,
though I can't think of it now.
I also liked the descriptions of food
in his novels,
go figure.
I particularly liked the picnic basket meals,
because they made me want to go on picnics.

Books 226-230

2010-10-15T06:13:00.000-07:00

I seriously need to get back to scanning.
I only have about
ten or eleven
more posts before I run out of material.
I keep saying I'm going to take an hour or two,
but then something comes up.
Or I get lazy.
Shame on me.

Anyway,
I kind of absolutely adore this title.

The perspective in the cover art photo
is kinda wonky
(yes, wonky),
but it's forgivable.
After all,
the Scriptwriter is writing
on a typewriter
and that just rocks.

Now, I love Phantastes.

I first read it in high school.
A friend of mine,
ES,
ordered me a copy online.
This was before such things were done regularly.
Had I known my family already owned a copy,
I might have told him not to bother.
As it is,
my copy is in storage right now.
What can you do?

Okay,
I haven't read this next book,
but the name sounds really familiar.

There was a movie with the same title
that just came out in the past year or so,
right?
I didn't see it either,
and IMDB was not that helpful.
Anyone know if this book and the movie
are related?
(Anyone else find the book's cover as tedious
as I do?)

So,
I'm pretty sure that
if you only get
One Day of Life,
you're usually a newborn for that day.

Clearly,
these gentleman were miscast for this cover.
They're a few decades too old.

In my coffee over-dose delirium
I've decided
Ms. Tyler
is a fan of this blog.
After all,
she's shown up three times
in two posts.

Maybe when all of this is over
I should invite all the
highest repeat offenders
out for lunch or something.
Not that they'd know who I was or anything.
And can you imagine a conversation
between
Ms. Tyler,
Mr. Trudeau,
whoever is responsible for the Larousse books,
and me?
Things might get awkward.
We would,
of course,
raise a glass to
Mr. Vonnegut,
though.

Books 221-225

2010-10-12T12:32:00.000-07:00

For some reason
I thought Anne Tyler
had already made an appearance on this blog.
Apparently, I was wrong.
But also, apparently,
she somehow psychically knew
I would think she was already
a repeat offender
and decided to both open
and close this blog post.

I do love the title of this first book.
However,
having never read this book,
I have no clue why the arm chair has literal wings.
Maybe the cover artist got confused
when s/he was told Ms. Tyler
wanted a winged armchair on the cover.
Still,
you'd think someone would catch
something like that.

As for this next book,
why is the "o" accented in the first "Dora,"
but not the "Doralina?"

And does anybody know what font that is?
It looks familiar,
but I can't place it.
I'm kind of bored by the rest of the cover.
There's too much angst going on there.

I also wonder if Ms. Bowen noticed
the awkward something about her title.

I'm pretty sure,
in most cases,
when a heart dies,
so does the rest of the body.
Perhaps she should have just named this novel
Dead
or
Got a Heart Transplant Just in Time.
These are just some of the
alternative titles I've come up with.
I could go on for awhile.

If you remember,
the Red Badge of Courage
had a red cover.
And there was a navy cover
for that dumb book that had a proper name for title.

So, what exactly is it about
Crime and Punishment
that made AMSCO people
think blue?!

As much as I loved
Ms. Tyler's
first title today,
I hate the second.

Something about
The Clock Winder
sounds wrong.
I'm sure there's a more technical,
obnoxious
title
for a person who winds clocks.
I did try to go searching for a better turn,
but after thirty seconds on Wikipedia
I got bored and gave up.

Imaginary points to whoever makes up the best term
for
"one who winds clocks."